“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems -- not people;
to focus your energies on answers -- not excuses.”
- William Arthur Ward
to focus your energies on answers -- not excuses.”
- William Arthur Ward
Is anger healthy? It is not always easy to see the good side of anger; when we face anger we see its terrifying side. Even though anger is a natural emotion that serves the purpose of protecting us, when experienced, it can make us feel out of control. In addition, anger often leads to verbal or physical aggression. It starts as an emotion but it can be acted out and it can become an attack.
Anger can make us feel relieved. It can give a feeling of being in control; we have found a tool that helps us to control and to influence others. This “positive feeling” is short lived. We all know that there is a price for anger: it cools off friendships, makes people to withdraw and to resist. Angry people are handled with caution and with avoidance.
Anger can make us feel relieved. It can give a feeling of being in control; we have found a tool that helps us to control and to influence others. This “positive feeling” is short lived. We all know that there is a price for anger: it cools off friendships, makes people to withdraw and to resist. Angry people are handled with caution and with avoidance.
Many people decide to follow therapy to learn how to manage their anger. The main reasons to seek help are:
1. Feeling of being out of control; anger takes over and hijacks emotions
2. Anger is acted out; what starts as an emotional outburst becomes physical or verbal aggression
3. Relationships are affected; walls of protection are built, defenses are raised
1. Feeling of being out of control; anger takes over and hijacks emotions
2. Anger is acted out; what starts as an emotional outburst becomes physical or verbal aggression
3. Relationships are affected; walls of protection are built, defenses are raised
With anger comes hurt for both parties, for the person who becomes angry and for the person who is the target of the anger. Because of the hurt, everyone who is involved, including the attacker, builds barriers that protect from it. Communication is characterized by the decrease of tolerance, decrease in flexibility, by irritability, judgment, numbness, or withdrawal. People start to fight because nobody likes loosing control; fight for gaining or maintaining control starts.
Excessive anger is often accompanied by a sense of helplessness. Person’s well-being is affected and the sense of helplessness becomes a feeling of despair. People who get angry do not understand why other people do not change, why they do not try to help them and to fix the problem. People become frustrated and a vicious circle of anger begins. They blame other people for their feeling of helplessness, for their excessive anger, for their feeling of being “out of control”. In these situations we hear: “You made me do it”; “it’s all your fault”.
Excessive anger is often accompanied by a sense of helplessness. Person’s well-being is affected and the sense of helplessness becomes a feeling of despair. People who get angry do not understand why other people do not change, why they do not try to help them and to fix the problem. People become frustrated and a vicious circle of anger begins. They blame other people for their feeling of helplessness, for their excessive anger, for their feeling of being “out of control”. In these situations we hear: “You made me do it”; “it’s all your fault”.
Some people who experience anger pay a high price for their emotional instability. They become isolated, lonely, unappreciated, and quite often sick. But we have to remember that deep down they are vulnerable and hurt. They want the hurt to go away but until they realize that the hurt comes from within and not from outside, they continue their vicious circle of anger.
At One Plus One Counselling we are committed to help those who engage in a journey with us, to manage their anger. During therapy, we analyze the circle of anger; we look at it’s roots and at the implications of anger. We guide the process of acquiring new skills that are necessary to “control” anger and to counteract the negative effects of anger. We focus on creating and sustaining healthy relationships through communication and accepting personal responsibility. We teach how to recognize the triggers of anger and to introduce positive thoughts. Most of the time, therapy brings positive changes and helps self-esteem. “Angry people” can regain emotional and physical well-being.
At One Plus One Counselling we also work with people who are exposed to other people’s anger. Witnessing outbursts of anger, or being a target of an angry attack can influence person’s well-being. Those who live with an “angry person” use different strategies to deal with challenging situation, they may keep quiet rather than face an issue or engage in a problem solving process; they may avoid any conflict, or they may try to please and to do everything that the other person demands. Because of the difficult situation, people who are victims of anger feel bad about themselves. However, the truth is that they are not to be blamed. If somebody gets angry with you, you are not to be blamed! The anger is. At One Plus One Counselling we help our clients to recover the sense of well-being, to gain self confidence and personal strength.
At One Plus One Counselling we also work with people who are exposed to other people’s anger. Witnessing outbursts of anger, or being a target of an angry attack can influence person’s well-being. Those who live with an “angry person” use different strategies to deal with challenging situation, they may keep quiet rather than face an issue or engage in a problem solving process; they may avoid any conflict, or they may try to please and to do everything that the other person demands. Because of the difficult situation, people who are victims of anger feel bad about themselves. However, the truth is that they are not to be blamed. If somebody gets angry with you, you are not to be blamed! The anger is. At One Plus One Counselling we help our clients to recover the sense of well-being, to gain self confidence and personal strength.